The transmutation of someone else’s pain into:  light,     Into love,       Into art, It is a new concept for me.     To love unconditionally; To– . . . I don’t have this in me anymore.     I am not a poet any longer.  I am not a writer.     I am not a fighter.  I am not a father.      I am not a lover.  I am barely a friend.      I am hardly an Uncle.  And I am a terrible son.      I don’t know what I am.     I don’t know who I am.  I don’t have a plan.      The transmutatio

The little girl asked me if I was sad.    “Why do you ask?” I asked her back. “Because you never smile or laugh. You seem so sad.”     I took a moment, realized she was right, and said, “Yes, I am sad.” “How come?” she asked, looking up at me sincerely, like only kids do.       “Because I lost someone I love,” I said, feeling as if I had no choice but to be honest with the six year old.       She hugged me. “I’m sorry,” she said.  “I’ll be okay some day.”                A you

“Hello, Owen. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. Dying takes up most of my time these days. I am only kidding. Dying isn’t so bad. It is actually extremely boring. Once you realize all the mistakes you’ve made in your life, dying gets incredibly dull. I am just waiting for the big day now. Ever since I’ve gotten my diagnosis, I have felt pulled to put space between us. You do not need to grieve anyone else. Forget about me, Owen. That’s the best thing you c

“Hey, Doc, it’s me, Owen. Just checking in again. It’s been awhile since we last spoke. Listen, I have to talk to someone. It happened again, Doc. I fell in love. I really thought she was the one. I felt it in my soul. She still lives in my mind and bones. You know how it goes . . . But it really did happen again. And I fucked it all up. I am unlovable. I am not capable of being in a relationship. I am so shit at loving someone. I am terrible at trusting someone. I love from

A million tiny orange and black butterflies surrounded us     As we walked to the waterfall         On top of a mountain           The most beautiful woman in the world             Held my hand in hers               As the butterflies scattered before we stepped on them It was a perfect day     The best day        The sun was shining          She was laughing and smiling  Everything was aligning     For love to bloom  And bloom it did, bright, warm and big Up in the mountains

If I could I would     apologize          for the lies.   If I could     I would       tell her that I am sorry         for pushing her away.     If I could       I would         call her        and explain       that I can still fall for her;       every time she pulls me back in,          I fall more in love with her,          and when she pulls away,            my love evaporates. It had to end.    It had to.     I had to push her away.    I just wish now I could say     

The weight is gone.  The pressure has  faded away.  The soul tie  has been severed.  I am free.  I am almost  happy.  My energy has  come back to me.  My attention is back on what fulfills me.  I am finally  free.  I spent a full year locked up.  I spent a full year in my head.  I reckon I am dead.  It sure feels like I died.  Everything I thought I was—everything I wanted to become—it’s gone.  Everything I thought I knew  about life isn’t true.  Everything I ever saw  was ju

The sad love songs don’t sound as sad anymore.       They don’t sting like they used to.         I feel bad for the fool who falls in love.           And I condemn those that pour their heartbreak into their art.            Silly attention seeking fools.  Music talks to us in languages we can’t speak yet.      So do our feelings.       So do our bodies.         So does our unconscious.            So does love.             So does the universe.               So does God. Somet

The Water Monkey     rode the Fire Horse       down to hell       to get his lady back. Together    the two opposite forces       fought against fate. Ever since their first date,     the Water Monkey and his love were destined to suffer.       When the snake         bit her in the face,         the Water Monkey raged against his cage.          Overwhelmed by seeing his love in pain,           he promised to find a way            to free her from the devil’s maze. Along the w

An uninspired line     The heart barely beats before it flatlines       Holding onto time with both hands       A hollow soul        Meant for so much more The sidewalks crack      Everything falls apart       We don’t get our fading seconds back The fire eventually dies     Warmth turns cold       A coward tries to be bold A new song    A new face     A new hope      Before it all breaks She pushes     He pulls Then he pulls    And she pushes  Before it rains     An uninspir

Don’t you dare grieve me while I am still here    They’ll be plenty of time for that when I’m gone  Love me today    Ask me to stay      Don’t grieve me while I am still alive If you miss me, tell me    If you love me, let me know it     If you care for me, show it Kiss me today    While I still breathe      Believe in you and me  Grieve me when I am dead    Never grieve me while I still love you Never miss me when you can kiss me     Never doubt me while my heart still beats

Don’t let fear erode your soul until you don’t know who you are anymore. Don’t let fear in, it’ll rage against  the love you have within. Don’t let fear anywhere near your heart, it’ll kill your dreams  before they even begin. And don’t let fear exist in places it shouldn’t, it’ll hide in corners of your unconscious  waiting for you to stumble again. Fear is a limitation  that we so often apply to ourselves. And if you can create it all by yourself, you can also destroy it. 

7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 Octillion) atoms    zip around in your body making up  you. 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms, all of them with a nucleus at the center—the atoms ‘sun’, with several electrons orbiting it—the atoms ‘planets’; the atom mimics our solar system; or, our solar system mimics the atom. Which one came first again? I forget . . . And those 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms that presently make up your idea of your ‘self’ as

A good man Got taken away yesterday In an Ice van He had kids He had a job He had neighbors he helped He had grandparents that loved him He was not a violent criminal Let me repeat that again for those that have their head so far up their ass all they can see is red. He was a good man. He had kids. And he was not a violent criminal.  A young lady Told me her story About her abusive father in Mexico And how her mother  Saved up money for years To hire ‘Coyete’  To get her and

I have a friend  who told me he finally found  true love,  but then he lost her.  I have a friend  who told me that she finally got her dream job,  but she hates her boss  and wants to quit.  I have a friend  who moved across the country,  but when he got there,  he missed the mountains.  I have a friend  who didn’t know how to keep living  after running a 100 mile race.  He constantly needs a dream to chase. I have a friend  who always tries to rush  to the end, never enjoyi

The dandelion seeds almost touch her lips    before she blows them away,      making a wish. She wishes for fifty years with me,    but     I wish      to be strong enough       to let her           go. The dandelion seeds catch the wind,          riding it down the mountain.  Her seeds mix with mine,                  and our wishes combine. CH 1/19/26

If I were to stay true to me,    And not shrink myself for you, I would honestly say,       Fuck you.  If I were to go back to being who I was before I met you,      I would say goodbye and never look back.  If I were to be the authentic version of me I’ve known for 33 years,       I’d be ruled by my fears And I’d disappear.  If I stayed true to me,         And didn’t change because of you, I’d get high       Night after night, And never fight     For you. If I was still full

I think I might be underwater  I can't  hear or see  anyone else  under here Everyone  is muted  Every  moment is a blur Time passes and I move slowly  while the days move quickly  Nothing feels real here My stomach is sinking there's a pit in it and it isn't shrinking  I think I might be underwater  or stuck in someone's dream I ache  I ache all the time  People pass by and I try  to carry on but I think I might be underwater  or in a Tim Burton movie  Everything is in black

The White Rabbit  caught up to him again A ticking time bomb went off  taking out a few city blocks  The moon fell  out of the sky The big guy is in heaven  getting high  The White Rabbit caught up to him again and now she is gone so gone Tick-Tock  is the name  of the gator  hunting Captain Hook Tick tock  goes the White Rabbit’s  pocket watch  The Reaper  comes to collect  his check  An anxious rabbit  is running late A Gator’s stomach  ticks all while nothing really  stick

Give me one hour alone in this dark room without you,    before I have to get clothes on,     and float around town        pretending to be fine. What's the line that will bring us back together? What's a line that we haven't already crossed? Are there any words that you can hear that would bring you here? I just need one more hour alone in this dark room without you,    and then I can go do one more day. We made a mistake . . . the pain should fade away, someday. The pain sh