The mind is not meant for peace. The mind is meant to think. Peace is not a function of the mind. That's not what it has evolved into.  The mind evolved to keep you alive.  Watch a bird for a few minutes . . .     See how they are constantly watching out for a predator?      They are constantly on the move,      never getting a second of peace,       always in danger—        forever scanning for danger. That's your mind.     That's its evolutionary design.      It scans for d

A little blonde boy sprints down the soccer field, bee-lining it straight to the ball rolling in front of him. He catches up to it and gives it a solid kick. It's a goal. The Red team celebrates. The Blue team pouts. I watch from the sidelines,  and seeing my younger self smile like this brings me a little joy, despite the sea of razor blades and bad dreams  I am currently swimming through.  My younger self steals the ball, and passes it up the field. He sprints down the othe

Broken bones Broken dreams Broken hearts Broken homes Still skipping meals Still shopping for deals Fading friends 33 years old And I begin again Still smoking too much Always in a rush Missing pieces of my soul I have holes Still alive Still alone Drinking liquor Because I miss her But the whiskey Whispers to me Saying, ‘ You’ll love her until you reach the end of Infinity .’ So I swim through outer space, stopping to chat with the stars ‘ Just how far can love go? Do you kn

An old man and woman    sit down at the table to my left.       They pull out the chess board         and play a game. I can’t help but feel as if they are her and I in a different timeline. Don’t ask me why.  It was probably inappropriate, but I snapped a picture of the adorable old couple, just in case I want to share these two with my ex. But she and I don’t even text.  The table must’ve been wobbly,    because they move their game and coffee over to the next table,       

This life started when I met her. Whoever I was before that is long gone. That life is over. That person is dead.  Who I am now, I don't know. What I am turning into is a mystery to me.  She doesn't know me, she only knows the me that knows her.  She doesn't know the real me.  She can't see my scars.  She can't feel my history.  Broken homes.  Broken bones. Broken hearts.  Broken dreams.  The people that leave . . . And me, keeping everyone at a distance.  Making them laugh,

Tell me stories from when you were a kid. And tell me how’d you live if you didn’t have to pay rent. Tell me about the injustices you see. And tell me where you turn to for creativity. Tell me what it was that hurt you so deeply. And tell me who you’d like to be. Show me your vices, don’t ever hide them. Show me cracks in your soul. And how you’ve grown. Tell me what you think about reality. And tell me what you think your dreams mean. Tell me you hate me. And tell me you lov

You don't want to choose me But you don't want to lose me So you feed me some breadcrumbs  And I eat them up until I become numb You pushed me away But we both know deep down  you wanted me to stay I couldn't fight for us  after you broke our trust  I swear some day  our love will decay and rust It'll rot away some day I swear  that might be true I'm trying to believe  it'll all fade away  some day . . . You don't want to choose me But you don't want to lose me All while  som

Don’t you dare grieve me while I am still here    They’ll be plenty of time for that when I’m gone  Love me today    Ask me to stay      Don’t grieve me while I am still alive If you miss me, tell me    If you love me, let me know it     If you care for me, show it Kiss me today    While I still breathe      Believe in you and me  Grieve me when I am dead    Never grieve me while I still love you Never miss me when you can kiss me     Never doubt me while my heart still beats

And then she played her  ‘Uno Reverse’ card on me and I started to realize  how terrible it is to have your lover write  heartbroken poetry  about you. She always did  beat me at that game. Uno. And, She always did  write better poetry than I.  At least I am better at holding onto hope  when I should let go  then she is . . .  Draw Four, Sucka.  CH 1/31/26

I won’t give up on you I’ll stay strong    And hold on I will face my fears     And slay the dragons inside of me  Even when no one else believes      I won’t give up on you No, not you     I will fight for us And trust in you     Always I will always love you    So I’ll carry on And hold onto you      To love the hell out of you is all I want to do      I won’t give up on us I have more in me to give      We have more life to live  You and me      we were meant to be So I’ll

The soul Of a good man     Lingers around her Refusing to go to the afterlife     Because He loves her    So he stays here, on earth Waiting for her       He watches her grieve him He watches her cry     He watches her carry on And he watches her move on     She eventually finds someone new And starts to forget about the man she once knew     He watches her get married And divorced 7 years later      He watches her cry He watches her carry on    He watches her wander around t

Don’t let fear erode your soul until you don’t know who you are anymore. Don’t let fear in, it’ll rage against  the love you have within. Don’t let fear anywhere near your heart, it’ll kill your dreams  before they even begin. And don’t let fear exist in places it shouldn’t, it’ll hide in corners of your unconscious  waiting for you to stumble again. Fear is a limitation  that we so often apply to ourselves. And if you can create it all by yourself, you can also destroy it. 

I love her.  I really do.  I love her so much.  It’s all I presently know about myself.  I love her and I want to tell her that once every hour for the rest of my life.  I love her.  I really do.  Nothing is more true.  I don’t need her,  But I want her.  I want her more than I want anything else.  I love her. I really do.  It’s almost all I can feel right now.  But, What is love? What is it? . . . Do you know? . . . Well, I thought about it a little bit. And here's what I ca

7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (7 Octillion) atoms    zip around in your body making up  you. 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms, all of them with a nucleus at the center—the atoms ‘sun’, with several electrons orbiting it—the atoms ‘planets’; the atom mimics our solar system; or, our solar system mimics the atom. Which one came first again? I forget . . . And those 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms that presently make up your idea of your ‘self’ as

A good man Got taken away yesterday In an Ice van He had kids He had a job He had neighbors he helped He had grandparents that loved him He was not a violent criminal Let me repeat that again for those that have their head so far up their ass all they can see is red. He was a good man. He had kids. And he was not a violent criminal.  A young lady Told me her story About her abusive father in Mexico And how her mother  Saved up money for years To hire ‘Coyete’  To get her and

We can't be friends we can’t be lovers we can't be together  and we can't be strangers . . . What're we then?  If I learn to love you less,                 will you love me more? It kills me that you chose him . . . Why go back to what shrunk your soul? Is he really so great? Is he that much better than me? Is what you two have together that much more special than what we have? . . . I can’t live without you here. And you are so far away from me now.  I thought we were soul t

I have a friend  who told me he finally found  true love,  but then he lost her.  I have a friend  who told me that she finally got her dream job,  but she hates her boss  and wants to quit.  I have a friend  who moved across the country,  but when he got there,  he missed the mountains.  I have a friend  who didn’t know how to keep living  after running a 100 mile race.  He constantly needs a dream to chase. I have a friend  who always tries to rush  to the end, never enjoyi

What I wouldn’t give to run my fingers up and down  her bare back again To feel her skin  on my skin Her lips  on my lips Her hips moving  with my hips Her little moans and how she says  my name as I thrust myself  deep inside of her And what I wouldn’t give to feel her cum again to lay there with her afterwards grateful for her I’d trade away everything I own just to hear her moan To throw her legs over my shoulders and slowly slip inside of her gently  taking her before  ta

The dandelion seeds almost touch her lips    before she blows them away,      making a wish. She wishes for fifty years with me,    but     I wish      to be strong enough       to let her           go. The dandelion seeds catch the wind,          riding it down the mountain.  Her seeds mix with mine,                  and our wishes combine. CH 1/19/26

If I were to stay true to me,    And not shrink myself for you, I would honestly say,       Fuck you.  If I were to go back to being who I was before I met you,      I would say goodbye and never look back.  If I were to be the authentic version of me I’ve known for 33 years,       I’d be ruled by my fears And I’d disappear.  If I stayed true to me,         And didn’t change because of you, I’d get high       Night after night, And never fight     For you. If I was still full