“. . . What will you do with your freedom, Aslan Reetrant?”
“I will do whatever I have to.”
“And where will you go?”
“Wherever the wind takes me.”
“And what will you become?”
“Whatever God wills me to be.”
“Are you?”
“I am.”
“And will you?”
“I will.”
“Ay, you might. But what about when you waver? What will happen in the darkest hour?”
“I am still blessed in the darkest pit.”
“How so?”
“I can illuminate the dark.”
“Alone?”
“If I have to be.”
“Do you wish to be alone?”
“No. And I am not alone.”
“No, you aren’t. How do you illuminate the dark?”
“I shine.”
“In a pit?”
“Ay, in a pit.”
“And where does the light come from?”
“From within.”
“Do you have an infinite well of light within you somewhere, Aslan Reetrant?”
“Yes.”
“Always?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I see no difference.”
“No difference between what?”
“The light and the darkness.”
“No difference between the light and the dark?”
“They exist together.”
“And as opposites.”
“No.”
“No?”
“No. They’re not opposites. I think of them as siblings.”
“Brothers??”
“You could say that.”
“How does your mind make these leap’s?? Don’t you look before you jump?”
“No. I am not scared of the fall.”
“Light and dark not as opposites but as brothers . . . ? I can’t get there. I can’t see it.”
“When you stand in the light, what is it that stands behind you?”
“My shadow?”
“Your dark imprint blocks out the light from all those underneath you. That darkness was created by you and the light.”
“Ay, I see.”
“And in the darkness we discover what light is. We can only know it in the darkness. It is created within it and because of it. As long as the sun stays up there, and the stars continue to shine, then we’ll never know true darkness. Light gives birth to dark and dark gives birth to light. It’s a spiraling spectrum.”
“Are you suggesting that in the darkest pit you can take your own darkness and turn it into light?”
“Yes.”
“Huh.”
“Where do you find your lead?”
“The Alchemy metaphor?”
“Yes.”
“It’s within.”
“Where within?”
“Well, they say that you’ll discover your lead in the places you don’t want to look.”
“The material you need to make gold is buried in the darkest corners of your soul. Your lead is in your shadow.”
“So you collect your lead—which is really your shadow side—and polish it—which is doing mindful work on the self and the spirit and attempting to integrate the shadow—and after that you might get gold? You might grow in a conscious way that you can be proud of?”
“Yes, but navigating the shadow is like wandering around a maze blindfolded by your own bias. It makes the lead impossible to find, and most don’t really want to find it. Who wants to see the darkest part of their soul? Truly?”
“Ay . . .”
“And once you’ve collected your lead—once you’ve really seen your shadow—once you’ve looked in the one place you never wished to—to polish your lead—to integrate the shadow—it is a lifelong process that never ceases for one second of your existence.”
“You always polish your lead without ever getting gold?”
“Yes.”
“It's sisyphus with a spin.”
“Yes but not only was Sisphus physically strong, but mentally strong. One must imagine sisyphus as wise.”
“Sisyphus wise?? That’s absurd!”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“He was cursed!”
“I see no difference.”
“Between what?”
“A curse and a blessing.”
“I came here to see if you were ready for freedom, if you knew what to do with it.”
“It is intimidating, isn’t it.”
“Freedom?”
“Yes. If we are truly free then that means we have some responsibility for how we turn out. If we aren’t free then how can we be responsible for ourselves? Freedom equals responsibility, don’t you agree?”
“I suppose it might mean that to some.”
“Do my answers satisfy you?”
“I can’t say that they do.”
“And why’s that?”
“Well, your answers only create more questions.”
“Yes.”
“So satisfying is not the right description for how you make me feel, Aslan Reetrant. I’d say that your answers make me feel uneasy—uncomfortable. They make my insides squirm.
“Will you still take me then?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“No?”
“Don’t pressure me, Aslan.”
“Shall we grab a drink?”
“Might as well.”
“You don’t have others to tend to today?”
“Your concepts of time don’t apply to me.”
“Yes, that makes sense.”
“Aslan, let me ask you, do you see life and death as opposites or as brothers?”
“Same as light and dark, there is no difference between life and death.”
“That makes me happy to hear, even if I don’t believe you.”
“You’ve come to collect me but you have some choice in the matter?”
“Yes. My job is complicated.”
“I can imagine.”
“I have free will like you do. I am a lot like you in some ways.”
“I know.”
“I work for the same force that makes the leaves fall off the trees.”
“I know.”
“Do you know of my curse?”
“I do.”
“And do you think it’s a blessing?”
“It could be.”
“You reckon that I have some light somewhere in here?”
“In your darkest corners live your diamonds.”
“Diamonds?? Not gold?”
“You possess diamonds in you.”
“I do?”
“I believe so.”
“Because of how deep my darkness goes?”
“. . . Yes, because of that.”
“I don’t really know how to change.”
“Of course you do.”
“I mean, I don’t really want to see the darkest side of myself. I don’t want to face my dragons.”
“No one does.”
“How do we do it?”
“We find courage.”
“Where do we find that?”
“It is within as well.”
“Is everything within?”
“Ay, it could be.”
“Is everything a metaphor?”
“Ay, it could be.”
“So what’s real then?”
“Could be.”
“Huh?”
“You get it.”
“No.”
“I feel like you do.”
“Nope.”
“You’ll get there.”
“I can’t tell if I admire or despise you.”
“Ay.”
“You aren’t afraid of me?”
“Just a little.”
“It’s nice to talk to someone who isn’t terrified of you.”
“I bet.”
“I don’t think I’ll collect your soul today.”
“Okay.”
“Some day, though, I’ll have to.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s inevitable.”
“. . . I know.”
CH 10/28/24
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