My card got declined at 7/11 this morning
The lady laughed at me
But I think it was a nervous laughter
My front door handle to my 99’ Honda CRV is broken
So I have to get out of the passenger door every time
Or roll the window down and open it up from the outside
I have three matching tires on it
And one odd-duck tire
I need new brakes
And
The four-wheel-drive is broken
My bills are due
But I can pay them on friday
When I get paid
I have two roommates at the age of 32
And my dog needs food
All of my jeans have holes in them
So my mom gifted me some for christmas
But they are all the wrong size
Of course they are
My feet hurt
With every step
But
I don’t have health insurance
It’s too expensive
So I just silently moan in pain when my heel strikes the ground
I spend too much money on breakfast burritos
I really do
I get them Doordashed to my work
Because I get so damn hungry all of the time
I don’t take any help from the government
Screw those pricks
I’d rather make it on my own
Then ask for help from them
I’ve never cared about the money game
Nn, not since I saw my parents rip each other apart for every penny in divorce court
I saw them devour the other
Wide-eyed, licking their lips
Veins popping out of their foreheads
Years of pent up disdain oozed out
It was disgusting
Just like their marriage
Just like the ideas of family they forced down
Just like the smoke they blew up my ass for 15 years
But now, at 32, I am broke
Always have been
And
Most days
I am fine with it
If I have enough money to get by
I’ll be fine
But
I imagine a family
And I don’t know how I could ever pay for that . . .
I don’t even have a lady, so I guess I can figure out the family stuff after she finds me.
I am stuck in the money game.
There’s no way out.
You can’t win the game.
So,
I make my own games.
I type,
And I punch things.
And that’s all I need for now.
CH 1/17/25
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